Monday, March 16, 2015


I miss abah. No matter how much I try to hide it. I miss him. But, no matter how I try, we can never see each other anymore. 

I wish I can hug him and thanked him for everything he have done for me. Thank you for the education you stress on me. Thank you for the discipline you nurtured in me. And thank you for all the great experience you include in my life that only us, your children, understand. The camping, the reading, the toys, all the experiences that I believe not every child in the world can experience the way you gave us.

I wish I can show abah how good my life is now. I wish I can see him smiling because he is now in peace seeing that his daughter is married to a good man. Blessed with an adorable baby. Gifted by Allah for all the good things in life. I wish. I wish. I wish.

I am not done with him. I am never satisfied seeing his laugh with my baby. Never satisfied with all his tale and story. Never.. far from enough to listen his ranting on his new gadget. New hobbies. New life.

How I wish that I can turn back the time and just be with him just for a whole day. Just to take care of him. Just to sit beside him and watch movies. Just listen to his old voice. What ever it is he wants to say. I will listen him. I will keep my mouth shut and just absorb all his voice in my memory.

All this while, I am so shy knowing that he used to check my blog. This very blog. But now, I will keep writing and imagine I am talking to him. Talking and telling everything I hold from him for all this while. Wishing that somehow he could read again.....

A writing from a very regret daughter.


Friday, February 07, 2014

Honey Bunny Sweety Pie

Our bundle of joy. :)

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

One Does Not Simply Be Patience To Nutters


I encountered too many frustration lately. Feels like I'm loosing my grip. I am beginning to hate my guts. Because I am tired of giving in just for the sake of fate and tolerance. For all this while, I am hoping that if I am being patience, than maybe that some people would see it and understand and tone down a bit their attitude. But I am wrong. Living with a bunch of nutters eccentrics was never been easy. They know how to push my button! Urgh. I am beyond furious. First because it is too hard to make some people understand that not everything is about them. And second of all, how would you feel if some people gone crazy spreading rumours about your marriage? Oh come on! Give me a break or I'll break your effing necks.

I am now in the midst of considering my self due to this recent unpleasant events. My rational side tells me that patience is the key to everything. My time here is about to come to an end. Less than two month. So its not that long and if I include the day I will spent with my husband. It will be like two or three weeks. But the other side of me keeps prompting the idea of moving out from here. I kinda like the idea for a moment. But when I give another thought it still will cost me something. And husband suggest the same but Miss Rational Me kept whispering that if I do that, I am not a smart wife that I am impatience and looking things in a short perspective. Because.. It will cost us more that a $1000. That doesn't count that I have to repack and unpack all my stuffs all over again. Even so, I did try looking in the net and calling people around just in case there's still exist some rich old folks who wants to rent their house just because they are worried that the house will be haunted because no one living there. You know. But to no avail. And after a while, still my mind keep telling me that if I give myself sometimes and TRY to be patience a little bit more, I could save husband money and doing something beneficial to it. We are yet to move out from his parents house and I am thinking when the time comes, it will cost money for at least buying a mattress. ;)

Thus, here I am. Sobbing discreetly sometimes to sooth my anger and spend more time in the library. Thats the bright side of it. My thesis finally have some progress and I am glad with how it turns out.

Dear Allah, please give the strength to go through all the stuff you made me go through for the better me. :) 

Friday, October 19, 2012

"You Know Your Life Has Changed When Going To Grocery Store By Yourself Is A Vacation" — Motherhood

It takes a lot to know what is love 
It's not the big things but the little things 
That can mean enough 
A lot of prayers to get me through 
And there is never a day that passes by 
I don't think of you 
You were always there for me 
Pushing me and guiding me 
Always to succeed 

You showed me 
When I was young just how to grow 
You showed me everything that I should know 
You showed me just how to walk without your hands 
'Cause, mom, you always were the perfect fan 

God has been so good 
Blessing me with the family 
Who did all they could 
And I've had many years of Grace 
And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face 
I wanna thank you for what you've done 
In hopes I can give back to you 
And be the perfect son 
[ Lyrics from: ] 

You showed me 
When I was young just how to grow 
You showed me everything that I should know 
You showed me just how to walk without your hands 
'Cause, mom, you always were the perfect fan 

You showed me how to love 
You showed me how to care 
And showed me that you would always be there 
I wanna thank you for the time 
And I'm proud to say you're mine 

You showed me 
When I was young just how to grow 
You showed me everything that I should know 
You showed me just how to walk without your hands 
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan 

'Cause, Mom, you always were, 
Mom, you always were, 
Mom, you always were, 
You know you always were, 
'Cause, Mom, you always were 
...the perfect fan 

I Love You, Mom
The Perfect Fan lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG 
**Whenever I listen to this song, I always dedicate to my mom. Of course she didn't know. But its the thought that really counts. *Grins*

** I don't know why, but after being married, I always get the soft sport when speaking or thinking about motherhood — or most of the time.... my mom.

Thursday, October 04, 2012

Nothing To Kick About...


One of our things is we always accidently bumped into each other after taking our wudhu'. And we have to redo it again and again and again. At first, it was somewhat  inconvenient to us. However, after sometimes, we're kinda like, hey whats up with the sighing! We should be glad because now we have a roomate that we called spouse. We now have someone beloved to bump into. Alhamdu Lillah, sekarang dah ada suami/isteri yang boleh tercuit. Kalau dulu nak cuit sapa? Lol. But yeah, thats how we think after having some new things that usually is not an issue when we were single back then. Its sweet actually.

And being in a long-distance relationship costs us a lot. Time, energy, money of course and understanding. A proper plan must be made. Even though before we are hubby-wifey, we also in a LDR. But I have to say, my friend is right. Its different. Back then I don't really feel the need to be with him. I don't mind when we don't see each other for as long as 2 months or even three. Up until now, I am a constant traveler. I've been commuting from Kota Bharu - Melaka - KL - Kota Bharu for over two months now. When a were still engaged because of the wedding preparation. Its tiring but enjoyable. I don't know where this (going back and forth) will made me, but I am hoping for the best. May God forbid me to be the whining, ungrateful, spoil, boring wife. :D

Thus, right now, for our own benefit, especially to avoid of having to pay that extra $75 of exceeding the predetermined baggage weight, I am trying so hard to pack lightly. If you are a weekend traveler, that $75 counts. Every penny counts guys! Long ago, I made a little promise to myself. That I don't want to be that diva type of a wife. So this counts in a no diva pledge. But, I am trying to find a way that I am packing light for the weekend but it will NOT make me to sacrifice my appearance of a good wife. Looking pleasant to husband is also one of the traits of a good wife. Thus, packing to the bare minimum but complete is my new short term goal. And tonight is my first trial. From a medium sized luggage to a medium sized backpack plus a small crossbody. I don't even dare to consider a smaller backpack. That is too extreme for me. Below was my former checklist everytime I traveled on the weekend, please bare with me;

1. Four blouse
2. Two khakis + One jeans that I am wearing.
3. Two baju kurung
4. 4 shawls + one regular tudung bawal
5. 1 skirt
6. Two PJs/nightgown
7. Five days of supply undergarments (because I love to bring extras. Just in case)

1. My makeup kit (Which consist of at least 10 items. I am not counting it)
2. Deodorant
3. Toiletries (Toothbrush, toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo, facewash, makeup remover, plus about five more items)
4. Hair brush
5. Contact lens essentials
6. Laundry bag
7. 150ml perfume

1. One extra footware apart from the one that I wear. Usually flats.
2. Two man sock. (I love man sock. Its super comfy)
3. Two lady's socks <---- ??
4. My netbook + charger + mouse + external hard disk (All the more reason to get iPad. Hah!)
5. My organizer.
6. My mp4. Whats with this my my my? of course all of em is mine. Why would I having all the troubles to bring someone else's?

Done! The thing is I LOVE to feel complete when I am travelling. And here are my new travelling must haves;

1. Two blouse
2. One shirts
3. One trouser
4. Four days supplies of undergarments
5. A Shawl
6. One lady's sock
7. Toiletries ( toothbrush, toothpaste, shower gel, facewash)
8. The same makeup kit
9. Netbook without charger. I am playing with risk now)
10. Organizer.

11. Half of the items that was not on the list will be bring by Mr. Hubby. LOL!!

Ok! Done. Lets see how its going. :)