I miss abah. No matter how much I try to hide it. I miss him. But, no matter how I try, we can never see each other anymore.
I wish I can hug him and thanked him for everything he have done for me. Thank you for the education you stress on me. Thank you for the discipline you nurtured in me. And thank you for all the great experience you include in my life that only us, your children, understand. The camping, the reading, the toys, all the experiences that I believe not every child in the world can experience the way you gave us.
I wish I can show abah how good my life is now. I wish I can see him smiling because he is now in peace seeing that his daughter is married to a good man. Blessed with an adorable baby. Gifted by Allah for all the good things in life. I wish. I wish. I wish.
I am not done with him. I am never satisfied seeing his laugh with my baby. Never satisfied with all his tale and story. Never.. far from enough to listen his ranting on his new gadget. New hobbies. New life.
How I wish that I can turn back the time and just be with him just for a whole day. Just to take care of him. Just to sit beside him and watch movies. Just listen to his old voice. What ever it is he wants to say. I will listen him. I will keep my mouth shut and just absorb all his voice in my memory.
All this while, I am so shy knowing that he used to check my blog. This very blog. But now, I will keep writing and imagine I am talking to him. Talking and telling everything I hold from him for all this while. Wishing that somehow he could read again.....
A writing from a very regret daughter.