Ceh!

Kera di hutan di susukan, anak sendiri kelaparan  KEBULURAN.

Of Engagement.

Does engagement ceremony have to be perfect? Yes it is. 

But one cannot simply assume the definition of 'perfect' to be the same. Different people comes with different essentials, core and believes.  Perfection is subjective. I will not deny that I am personally wants a perfect moment for every step I took for my future with loved ones. However, my terms of perfect might not or totally have different meaning to compare with you, or him, or her, or any other living people in this world. :)

For one person, perfect engagement might be in respect of 24K clear cut diamond, pricey outfit, fresh flowers, labeled gifts and *yawnnnnn i am so sleepy and tired right now. Today was a very long day for us i think i better get to sleep. And I do think you already have the idea of what am i going to write*

Perfect is subjective. One might need to be insanely rich to get one, but another one might only need to enjoy and savor the moment. Who knows right? And we can't judge other people's by referring to our definition of perfection. Its just wrong and illogical. Night! Haha. 

For those who failed.

Cinta ni bahagian dia sikit je dalam hidup.
Kalau kau gagal part yang ni, teruskan je hidup.
Hidup ni bukan pasal lelaki/perempuan dan cinta je.
Ada lagi bahagian kau nanti yang Allah nak bagi lebih baik dari cinta tu.
Tujuan hidup bukan untuk bercinta. Titik.

Twinkle twinkle little star....

One of the things I would miss the most after going back to my college is checking my mum sleeping every night. It kind of giving me a satisfaction feeling to see mum sleep so soundly and peacefully. Maybe because I always see her with tiring face from working all day. So every night, before I go to bed, I would peek from the door to check on her.  I did in fact several times having a thought to tuck her in and sing twinkle little star. But it would be a total awkward moment for us if she suddenly awake and found me patting her like a baby.  That would score me a week of a blushing face.  So, I'll pass.  I am weird. I am not accustomed to express my love through patting and/or stroking hair.  My way of showing affections more to doing things like cooking to subject matters or making cards! I listen, I understand, I give my respond by giving the I-am-with-you face. But I am not the kind of a person who give hugs to calm people. Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who likes to be hugged by the person dear to my heart whenever I feel sad. Yeah, imma selfish old hag. :D

Oh, a quickie update, I stumbled upon this good status to be read while strolling on my facebook feed. Its worth to have a thought about this, because it suits me well.

"Forgive them even if they are not sorry." 

When you are able to forgive others, even if they are unapologetic for the wrongs that they have committed against you, only then will your mind truly be free. Those who are willing to hold grudges against those who trespass against them are only doing their own selves a disservice. Being unforgiving to someone doesn't benefit any person at all. It causes pain to be experienced over and over again that just doesn't need to be thought about on such a high level. 

Being unforgiving also tends to distort a person's viewpoint on life as a whole. Instead of being able to take risks, and see opportunities for what they really are, those who are unforgiving take less risks, and only see what life is from their own point of view, since they are less willing to trust in others and their experiences. So forgive, forgive when they apologize, and when they are not sorry, doing so will free your soul, and let you live to reach your greatest potential.

Recently, I did this deep breathing things occasionally. Well, I am trying to teach my self to forgive! Inhale... Exhale... Let go... I have this silly idea that this deep breathing things could help me let go of past hurt.  May it work out because I am getting tired having the unpleasant memory clinging in my mind. I dont want that. Who needs bad memory and cried everytime it cross our mind? Insane.

Good night!

A mother understands what a child does not say.

Assalamualaikum,

It is been over 20 years for my mother as a single mother.  But me, being an ignorance child, failed to see how hard it is for her to raised three children without any help from a man.  Despite, I only saw that being a good child kind of help her a lot from going the hard way like bailing me from a cell, being taunted for unable to buy us a toy, or to be frustrated because her child didn't do well in school. I complained less when I was forced to gave in my spring rainbow toy to a crying kid nor did I cry of the absence of my mother to my open school day.  I think I did well beside of my constant fights with my siblings, breaking things [accidentally of course] and a clean record with boys.  I think it was mainly because I was a not so attractive kid back then, but I did received a love  crush letter once in a while. However I did avoid a relationship with boys outside the friend zone. And that too, I think, save my mother from worrying me being sexually harrased by an underage boys or even, boy!

Until today, while I was preparing our dinner, it hit me suddenly why my mum always took the head part of a fish rather than its remaining body to tail.  All this time I only assume that just because she like to eat the head part because once she told me that a student like me should not eat fish head and internal organs of an animal. It is bad for our memories.  And even when if we had extra fishes, she will pick the head. And I am again, being a complete ignorance and selfish kid will shamelessly told everyone, 'adik cop dulu yang ekor ni'. So, my mother will pick the head, and maybe because my mother has already took the head part, so this leave us many fish's tail parts to eat.

So, after I cleaned two fish, I cut into two for each. If my mother really love the head part, then she would pick the head just like always.  It was only me and her in the house so four parts of fishes would not influence her choice right?

And she didn't.  Tonight she picked the body instead of the head.  This little experiment can't prove anything. Maybe she was just feel like eating the body, maybe she's really hungry that the part of a fish does not really matter or maybe she would like to eat fish's body sometimes.  I don't know, maybe I was just thinking about it too much or maybe I was just being silly.  But what I do really think after tonight, next time when I am eating fish with her, I would never choose the body before she did. After all, I have had fish's body for 20 years! :)